Home     Writers     Op/Ed     Book Reviews     News     Bookstore     Photoshops     Submit     Search     Contact Us     Advertise  
  You are here: 





Not So Almighty Dollar
Sunday, 02 December 2007 18:07
by Will Durst

Talk about how the almighty have fallen. The dollar is headed downhill faster than Bode Miller on a set of rocket skis. Think nose dive. Plummetville. Plunge City. Belly Floppo Rama. Recession is such an ugly word.

Try walking down a New York City street these days without getting knocked off the sidewalk by a gaggle of foreigners brandishing a circumference of high end shopping bags like a cardboard armada. Can’t be done.

I blame George Bush and his imbecilic economic chicanery for subjecting us to these indignities. Spending 2 trillion on an unnecessary war. Silly boy. Lowering taxes during that same unnecessary war. Sillier boy. Policies that have prompted OPEC to make noises about following Brazilian supermodel Giselle Bundchen’s lead, in asking to be paid in Euros. Euros, hell, the lady should choose to be paid in clothes, because to look at her, she doesn’t seem to own any.

Somebody, throw this girl a jacket. She must be cold.

Known and very popular cialis coupon which gives all the chance to receive a discount for a preparation which has to be available and exactly cialis coupons has been found in the distant room of this big house about which wood-grouses in the houses tell.

The dollar has sunk lower than a strip show flyer stuck to the undercarriage of a leased Lamborghini Murcielago. The pound is up to $2, levels not seen since the 50s. The Euro is at its highest level against the dollar… ever.

When? Ever! French President Sarkozy spent his summer vacation in New Hampshire. “400 francs and that includes everything, including zee servants.” Things have gotten so bad, Russian mob bosses are back to using 5000 Ruble bills to snort lines of cocaine off of hookers’ chests.

It’s like the October Revolution all over again. That obnoxious sound coming from north of the border: the non- stop laughter of millions of Canadians playing a little game they call payback, mocking the play money we call moolah, “Oh, so I guess you would be talking aboot AMERICAN dollars, eh? Oooh. I don’t know there, eh.” Our economy isn’t in the doldrums. Our economy can’t even see the doldrums. Our economy aspires to the doldrums. Dubyah has turned us into a third world banana republic. We’re Costa Rica to the rest of the World. With lousier snorkeling.

Who can blame the hordes of Euro- trash from clogging the aisles of our Tiffany franchises like an extended family of hillbillies at a dollar store? Everything here is so incredibly cheap. We’ve turned into a discount playground for the world’s trust fund babies. High- end restaurants, the good hotels, VIP sections of our most exclusive nightclubs, Saturday night movie tickets: pretty much off limits to anybody holding an American passport.

We’re the minimum wage security guards of a giant high- end outlet mall known as America just one cut rate Virgin flight away from true civilization. And thank god we, the general public, never fell for that whole “you got to save your money” BS and are still proud holders of the “Least Personal Savings of any Country in the Industrialized World” award. Because you know what those dollars are worth now? Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nothing!

Maybe kicking the greenback dollar under the couch is just the neo- cons idea of how to squelch our looming Social Security crisis. Make the dollar worth so little, that in the future, any one of us will be able to cover the entire shortfall by digging into our own wallets. “$30 trillion? Is that all you’re worried about?

Why didn’t you say so? Who here can break a quadrillion?” Just like you, comic, writer, actor, talk show host, pedicab driver Will Durst, knows French President Sarkozy complained about the food.
More from this author:
by Will Durst If you need more proof that President George Bush is as clueless as a goldfish on a leash in a space shuttle, you obviously...
The Demagogic Whistle Stop (7421 Hits)
by Will Durst   Oh for crum’s sake, people. It was a joke! “If you don’t study in school you’ll end up getting stuck in Iraq.”...
San Francisco Values (6828 Hits)
by Will Durst Hope you were hanging on to something solid Tuesday night because this country lurched so hard to the left, half of Washington...
Who's the Comeback Kid Now? (7470 Hits)
by Will Durst Guess who the Republicans snuck in as Senate Minority Whip? Trent Lott. Yes, that Trent Lott. Welcome back buddy! You’re a...
AND THEY’RE NOT OFF! (7238 Hits)
by Will Durst I startled some guy in the next lane at a red light when I shouted at my radio today. A semi famous network newscaster had come...
Related Articles:
"Where Commerce Sits on Every Tree" Pushing India Toward a Dollar Democracy (8487 Hits)
By Aseem Shrivastava In an article concerned with the rapid urbanization of India and China, Victor Mallet of London's Financial ...
The Great Dollar Crash of ‘07 (9492 Hits)
by Mike Whitney “Whatever future developments may prove to be, my best guess is that the US will continue to maintain a façade of...
Tomgram: The Nearly Two Million Dollar Gap (4731 Hits)
by Tom Engelhardt What value has a human life? We usually think of this in terms of sentiment – of memories, grief, love, longing, of...
U.S. Banks Brace for Storm Surge as Dollar and Credit System Reel (6266 Hits)
by Mike Whitney By now, you’ve probably seen the photos of the angry customers queued up outside of Northern Rock Bank waiting to withdraw...
The Bush Dollar Trap (4820 Hits)
by Dave Lindorff The first government response to America's sinking economy was denial. We were told as recently as a month ago by...

Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites
Comments (0)add comment

Write comment
smaller | bigger



Top 123