Home     Writers     Op/Ed     Book Reviews     News     Bookstore     Photoshops     Submit     Search     Contact Us     Advertise  
  You are here: 

Fri

10

Nov

2006

San Francisco Values
Friday, 10 November 2006 06:42
by Will Durst

Hope you were hanging on to something solid Tuesday night because this country lurched so hard to the left, half of Washington woke up with a wicked case of whiplash on Wednesday. No, make that most of Washington. And all of K Street. And the Republicans should be grateful. Because if it weren’t for Democratic persistence they wouldn’t still be able to file for protection under the Endangered Species Act.

The electoral semi tsunami means new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi is next in line after Dick Cheney in Presidential succession. In other words, she’s only two chicken bones away from the Presidency. And Bush does not look like a picky eater. Does the term unchewed pretzel have any meaning here? Not to mention one loud noise takes Cheney out like that, leading to… President Pelosi. And to conservatives, that’s got to be scarier than a raw meat bathing suit in a shark tank.

Since she’s the human embodiment of what right wing talk show hosts refer to as (cue theme music from Psycho) the extreme agenda of San Francisco values, people all over the country have to be curious as to exactly what are these alarming values? Glad you asked. Pull up a chair, plop the kids in front of “CSI: Topeka” and let me tell you about Ms Pelosi and the den of iniquity she represents and passes as the city named after Saint Francis of Assisi.

For the  who can’t wait to get Nancy Pelosi down on the ground to shave her head and expose her horns, I regret to inform you, they aren’t there. She’s a kindly old grandma now, and although she does smile like some fiend is twisting a knobby pole inserted up her butt, the ironic part is, in San Francisco, this supposedly frighteningly extreme liberal is considered a moderate and is often protested by leftist factions claiming she’s too deep in the mainstream and has sold out. And yeah, there are factions here that believe the same is true of Fidel.

The best way to analyze The City, as we call ourselves, is to look to the movies. Like in “The Wizard of Oz,” when Dorothy says, “we’re not in Kansas anymore,” that’s our motto. Then, at the end of “Peter Pan,” where Tinkerbell almost dies and the only thing that can save her is audience applause. Well, that’s us too. We’re not Kansas and we clap for fairies. So what? Big deal. Who cares?

What we believe in are the rights of the individual. Our biggest moral flaw is we hate judgmental people, a bit of an internal fallacy, I’ll admit. We do go out of our way not to place restrictions on people or their actions or religions or appearances. When you think about it, what they’re really afraid of is the freedoms that citizens of San Francisco enjoy. That’s right, they hate us for our freedoms.

We may be part of America, but we’re the exception that proves the rule. You’ve heard of “thinking outside the box?” Well, we outlawed corners. We’re as far beyond that whole red/ blue thing as a sperm whale is beyond a toothpick. We’re not blue. We’re indigo. Eggplant. Plum. Aubergine. Periwinkle. And yes, a large percentage of us do know the difference between aubergine and periwinkle. And recent revelations seem to suggest that a large percentage of Americans do know the difference between hope and hopeless. And we are no longer the last pocket of resistanc

More from this author:
DON’T NOT STAY THE COURSE (6320 Hits)
by Will Durst If you need more proof that President George Bush is as clueless as a goldfish on a leash in a space shuttle, you obviously...
The Demagogic Whistle Stop (5927 Hits)
by Will Durst Oh for crum’s sake, people. It was a joke! “If you don’t study in school you’ll end up getting stuck in Iraq.”...
Who's the Comeback Kid Now? (6114 Hits)
by Will Durst Guess who the Republicans snuck in as Senate Minority Whip? Trent Lott. Yes, that Trent Lott. Welcome back buddy! You’re a...
AND THEY’RE NOT OFF! (5718 Hits)
by Will Durst I startled some guy in the next lane at a red light when I shouted at my radio today. A semi famous network newscaster had come...
Reading Isn't Fundamental (5751 Hits)
by Will Durst Right about now is when it could come in real handy to have a President who reads. A book learning wonk. A guy not allergic to...
Related Articles:
Sex, Lies, and Family Values (10757 Hits)
The parents of a 16-year-old Congressional page contacted their congressman, Rep. Rodney Alexander (R-La.). Alexander says he contacted both...
A Journey Through The Mind Of Contemporary Conservatism: Clutching Our Values Aboard The Death Train (10442 Hits)
Day-to-day life within an empire consists of the deceitful leading the disengaged. Although when the artifice shielding a nation’s populace from...
O Come Let Us Adore Them: Treasuring our American Values of Greed, Self-Interest, and Enlightened Oppression (7073 Hits)
By Ragnar Redbeard III “What kind of a society isn't structured on greed? The problem of social organization is how to set up an...
Can Sarkozy Uphold the Values of 1789? (4028 Hits)
by Juan Cole Rightwing nationalist Nicolas Sarkozy, is the next president of France. He campaigned on an anti-immigrant platform...
Economic Sharing: A Shift in Global Values (2856 Hits)
by Rajesh Makwana A growing body of progressives within the global justice movement, including environmentalists, economists and policy...


Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites
Trackback(0)
Comments (1)add comment

Jimmy Montague said:

0
Two chicken bones?
You meant one pretzel -- right?
 
November 10, 2006 | url
Votes: +0

Write comment
smaller | bigger

busy
 

adsense

Top