Just walking my dog along the streets downtown this morning - there was a guy who didn't put his car close enough to the curb, he's a parking terrorist. The hot-dog vendor didn't make correct change - financial terrorist. This guy over here was thinking about getting a few friends together and smoking some marijuana while watching a movie - narco-terrorists. Now, that guy over there just returned from a tour of duty in Iraq - he did his part to bring freedom to those people who were suffering under a brutal dictator. Too bad they can't enjoy the benefits of their new found democracy - being dead and all. Egad, I almost called him a terrorist too, better tell the cops to go bust those folks getting high, or else we might lose track of the real criminals around here.

Another strange thing about all the terrorists among us - most of us don't even know about our criminality until we get to the airport - then it's all right for the authorities to do whatever they want to us. Imagine that, thinking we can travel around freely as if we had rights. Oh well, back to our stroll downtown.

Must think good thoughts, only good thoughts about our leader, gotta make sure I don't commit any thought crimes - now I can be a criminal for just thinking about stuff. I remember the old days when you actually had to commit some act of aggression on somebody or their property in order to be guilty of a crime - it's so much easier now that people can be arrested for just thinking, and it saves time as well. Good thoughts, must think only good thoughts about our leader. The leader is good, our leader knows best. Oh, this is so hard - I started to think about what a brainless idiot our leader is - oops, better head down to the police station - maybe if they aren't too busy they can zap me with 50,000 volts of electricity - Zzzzt Tzzzt Zzzztt - ah, there, that's better - no more thoughts about idiots, politicians or the negligible lines of distinction therein.

Came home from work yesterday and found my dog taking a dump and getting sick all over last week's newspaper - the front page no less, which contained a picture of the Congress about to pass another one of the leader's great new laws - this one makes it illegal for anybody to wrap a towel around their head after getting out of the shower. Now the image of these Senators is completely smeared with dog poop and vomit - how can we tell the difference between the original photo and Rover's latest addition to their vestments of honour? Better take my dog down to the Homeland Buffoonery Animal Re-Education Center for Excellence - Second Floor, Department of Congress Canine Excrement Differentiation & Detection - you know, the HBARCEDCCEDD for short. Good thing they were recently awarded 8 billion dollars to expand their facility in this vital area. Turns out that if your pet is stricken with this type of affliction, the situation can be corrected by placing said animal in front of the TV while turning up the volume on CNN News. As long as the sound of your pet throwing up is sufficiently drowned out by the yelping, vomiting sounds of Glenn Beck nobody will know the difference - sorry to associate such a foul, disgusting image with all those innocent puking dogs out there.

Over to Fox News where there is a special edition of a new show called, "NeoCon Nightly" featuring Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter on the mouth organ - they're going to try some naked ballroom dancing to the tortured strains of Bill Maher's new comedy classic, "No Brains, No Balls, But I Get To Keep My Show". It's a cavalcade of stars I tells ya, a veritable "cunning array of stunts".

Good thoughts only, must think only good thoughts about the leader and our country - Ah Screw it - this is way too hard, forget the whole thing and drag me away to the FEMA camp, I give up. Perhaps I'm better off with the other 300 million terrorists in this god-forsaken country - besides, it's Wednesday and tonight at the camp we're going to pour lighter-fluid on top of the cast iron stove, grab a match and watch that sucker melt to the ground.

"Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. Thats whats insane about it"

- John Lennon

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