4 taxpayers: 1 rich white guy wearing a Suit. Tie loosened. 2 folks (any sex) wearing jeans, 1 in a Blue work shirt, the other in a Flannel shirt, and 1 person wearing clothes that look like they were dragged through the sluice chute of the Three Gorges Dam. Belt and shoelaces secured in a safe place.
1 shot glass per person. Everybody furnishes their own, placing it on a coffee table in front of the television. Suit gets to choose first among the assembled shot glasses for use during game. Blue shirt picks next, then Flannel shirt. Suit takes last shot glass as well, and Rags must arrange to rent it from him for the evening or drink out of own cupped hands. Everybody antes 10 bucks. Cash. Except Suit, who tosses in an I.O.U.
1 pot of Texas Chili, and a bowl of guacamole in middle of coffee table with Kettle Brand Salt & Fresh Ground Pepper Krinkle Cut™ chips nearby. If any players are women, they have to prepare and serve the chili and guacamole. Otherwise, buy some pre- made stuff at Costco.
1 bottle of bourbon.
1 stop watch.
Old newspapers spread out on coffee table and in front of and on top of television.
A large stash of beer in cans. Rags gets whatever is on sale, like Old Milwaukee Ice Dry Light. Suit gets whatever import he wants. Players in jeans get domestic, but must pay for all the beer, bourbon, chips and ingredients for the chili and guacamole. Rules of the Game.
Whenever George W uses the phrase “economic stimulus package,”
the last person to slap his/ her hand to their own forehead, has to
drink 2 shot glasses of beer. Every time the President says “make tax
cuts permanent,” everybody must drink a whole beer then throw the
empties at the television. If can hits President’s face, everyone else
must drink 1 shot of beer.
Every time George W talks about
his deep- seated desire for “change,” the last person to cough “Hack!”
must drink 3 shots of beer.
If George W even attempts to
pronounce the name of Iranian President Mahmoud Amadinejad, the first
person to stop laughing is exempt from drinking 3 shots of beer.
Every time Senators John McCain, Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama are
shown in the audience, you have 30 seconds to throw a chip of guacamole
at the television and if anyone makes a chip beard on one of the
candidates, everyone else has to drink 5 shots of beer.
Everytime George W refers to General Petreus, the last person to yell out “Surgin General!” has to drink 2 shots of beer.
The first time George W talks about a lasting peace in the Mid East,
last person to smash 3 tortilla chips on his forehead has to drink 1
shot of bourbon.
If the Vice President or First Lady are
caught napping, last person to sing “Wake Up, Little Susie” has to
drink 2 shots of beer. If Senator Robert Byrd is shown without drool
running down his chin, Blue and Flannel drink 2 shots of beer.
Everybody drinks 2 shots of beer if President Bush mentions Pervez
Musharaff. 3 shots of beer if he mentions Benazir Bhutto. 4 shots of
bourbon if he mentions Osama bin Laden.
Whenever George W
makes a reference to his faith getting him through tough times or the
Bible, last person to fall to their knees and shout “Hallelujah!” has
to drink 2 shots of beer.
Whenever George W talks about
No Child Left Behind, take turns throwing chips of chili and guacamole
at TV for 30 seconds. First person to cover an eye is exempt from
drinking 3 shots of beer.
The 1st time George W mentions
the tragic events of 9/11, the last person to eat 1 dollop of guacamole
off a tortilla chip must drink 3 shots of beer. The 2nd time he
mentions the tragic events of 9/11, the last person to eat 1 dollop of
chili off a tortilla chip must drink 3 shots of beer. Continue to
alternate. If you mischip, drink 2 extra shots of beer.
Predict the number of applause breaks. After the speech, the closest to
actual number doesn’t have to drink 2 shots of bourbon.
Whenever George W smirks during a standing ovation, take turns drinking
shots of beer until the audience sits down. Do it double time if his
shoulders shake with silent laughter. If George W winks and points to
someone in the audience, Suit has to drink out of beer filled hands of
Rags who gets to dry his hands on Suit’s jacket.
If George
W uses a heartfelt story of a touching recovery experienced by one of
our brave troops, Suit gets to kick everybody once. Twice, if the brave
troop is a woman. Rags gets to kick the Suit if Bush reveals the
subject of the anecdote to be in the audience. Twice, if the brave
troop is sitting next to an astronaut. Four times if the astronaut is
wearing a diaper.
If George W Bush mentions alternative energy, the last person to pretend to faint has to drink 3 shots of beer.
EXTRAS:
Before the speech, everyone writes down who they think is giving the
Democratic Response. Anybody who correctly identifies the person
doesn’t have to watch it. No googling allowed.
Suit takes home all the money.
Leftover beer, chili and guacamole go home with Rags after he/ she finishes washing the dishes.
Political Comic Will Durst wore a diaper while watching Mr. Bush’s last State of the Union.
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