He also denied we were stuck in a civil war. What we are battling, he theorized, was “pure evil.” (Maybe we could get Dracula’s nemesis Van Helsing involved, somehow.)

Bush also has problems with duh facts. Last Monday, at his ill-timed photo-op, he declared: “The families gathered here understand that we are a nation at war. They know that the enemies who attacked us on September the 11th, 2001 want to bring further destruction to our country. They know that the only way to stop them is to stay on the offense, to fight the extremists and radicals where they live, so we don’t have to face them where we live...

“Families gathered here understand that America is not going to be safe until the terrorist threat has been defeated. If we do not defeat the terrorists and extremists in Iraq, they won’t leave us alone — they will follow us to the United States of America. That’s what makes this battle in the war on terror so incredibly important. One of the lessons of September the 11th is what happens overseas matters to the security of the United States of America, and we must not forget that lesson.

“The consequences of failure in Iraq would be death and destruction in the Middle East and here in America. To protect our citizens at home, we must defeat the terrorists. We defeat them by staying on the offense and we defeat them by helping young democracies defeat their ideology of hate. And it’s hard work. But it is necessary work, and thousands of men and women who wear our uniform understand the stakes.”

There was a short break wherein Dick Cheney went around the room with colorful handouts. “Programs. Programs. You can’t tell one enemy from the other without y’er programs, here.”

Bush went onto blather: “Democrats in Congress have spent the past 70 days pushing legislation that would undercut our troops. They passed bills in the House and the Senate that would impose restrictions on our military commanders. They set an arbitrary date for withdrawal from Iraq. And they spend billions of dollars on domestic projects that have nothing to do with the war. After passing these unacceptable bills, House and Senate leaders then chose to leave town for spring recess, without resolving their differences or sending any legislation to my desk.

“As Congress delays, the clock is ticking for our troops. Last week, Secretary of Defense Gates wrote to Congress, laying out the consequences of their failure to pass emergency spending for our troops on the front lines. He warned that because Congress has not acted, ‘The Army will soon begin reducing quality of life initiatives, reducing the repair and maintenance of equipment necessary for deployment training, and curtailing the training of Army Guard and Reserve units within the United States, reducing their readiness levels.’ He continued that if emergency funding is not received by mid-May, ‘the Army will have to consider further actions, to include reducing the pace of equipment overhaul work at Army depots, curtailing training rotations for brigade combat teams currently scheduled for overseas deployment,’ a step that the Secretary said, ‘would likely require the further extension of currently deployed forces.’ In other words, there are consequences for Congress’ delay in getting our troops what the Defense Department has requested.”

Of course Mr. Bubble neglected to state that the troops are already over-extended, training time has already been slashed, we’ve already exhausted equipment, we’ve flushed billions in Iraq via privately hired groups, National Guard troops are going to be shipped off pronto without proper equipment and the U.S. Military has lowered it’s standards to scoop up as many “boots on the ground” as possible regardless of whether the newbies have graduated high school, are members of violent street gangs or have felony convictions.

Pretty remarkable, eh?

Not to be outdone, “Dead-Eye” Dick Cheney has been on the stump, as well. Not that people think he’s totally lost it, but his Beltway nickname is now “Drool Cup.” Appearing before the Heritage Foundation, he compared today’s Democrats to those who followed George McGovern back in the 1970’s and who wanted “a major retreat from America’s commitments in the Cold War.”

Wow! Remarkable!

Diving into his addled Way-Back Machine, Cheney hurled: “Although the current political environment in our country carries echoes of the hard left in the early ’70s, America will not again play out those old scenes of abandonment, and retreat, and regret. Thirty-five years is time enough to have learned the lessons of that sad era. When the United States turns away from our friends, only tragedy can follow, and the lives and hopes of millions are lost forever. Ladies and gentlemen: not this time. Not on our watch.”

‘Cause if it weren’t for those nasty Dems, way back when, right now we’d have casinos in Vietnam! Right? We had the Cong on the ropes! Sheesh.

And, remarkably, he added: “In light of recent events, it’s worth asking how things would be different if the current Democratic leadership had controlled Congress during the last five years. Would we have the terrorist surveillance program? Or the Patriot Act? Or military commissions to try unlawful combatants? All these measures have been essential to protecting the American people against enemies who are absolutely determined to cause another 9/11, or something far worse. And it’s an open question, I think, whether the current Democratic leadership would have put these protections in place.”

Again, remarkably, his head didn’t implode ala “Scanners” whilst posing a scenario that actually would have been better for this nation as a BAD thing.

Now, bear in mind, all this delusional thinking is going on while “The Washington Post” allows Liz Cheney to froth at the mouth on its editorial pages without identifying her as Drool Cup’s dotty daughter.

As Britain’s development secretary Hilary Benn, announced that their Foreign Office asked politicians to drop the phrase “the war on terror” a year ago because “What these groups want is to force their individual and narrow values on others without dialogue, without debate, through violence. And by letting them feel part of something BIGGER, we give them strength.”

When Bush is BEGGING former military men to become his “War Czar” (because after five years, we need someone to take charge) and getting a communal “No Way, Jose” response.

Said Retired Marine General John J. Sheehan, one of those asked to take the lead: “There is no agreed-upon strategic view of the Iraq problem or the region…. We cannot ‘shorthand’ this issue with concepts such as the ‘democratization of the region’ or the constant refrain by a small but powerful group that we are going to ‘win,’ even as ‘victory’ is not defined or is frequently redefined.”

Maybe Bush can get on the internetz and go to Jobs.com. Or check loony bins. Chuck Manson is probably a’ hankerin’ for a furlough.

And, then, there’s the fact that the splooge is only spreading the violence throughout Iraq, tamping it down only slightly in Baghdad.

A few recent headlines: “Two die as UK helicopters crash. 37 die as car bomb hits near Iraq Shrine. Suicide bomber kills 5, wounds 11 in northwest Baghdad. 20 Iraqi troops and policemen abducted. 19 bodies found in Baghdad on Saturday. 4 bodies found in Mosul. Terrorists destroy local clinic in Diyala. Sadirists ordered to leave Cabinet. US forces kill 3 Iraqi Police. 30 bodies found in Baghdad. 7 bodies found in Falluja. Body of policeman found strangled. University professor killed in Mosul, 6 bodies found. 11 bodies found in Baghdad, 3 near Suwayra. 120 gunmen killed, arrested in two days in Iraq. 17 decomposing bodies found in Ramadi. 25 bodies found in Baghdad. 4 bombs kill 191 in Baghdad.”

Those are the highlights, as of this writing, of the past five days. Oh, yeah. 65 American troops killed this month. 18 days. Eight Brits. 3,312 American casualties, so far.

What’s next for the gas-bagger-in-chief? Will he do his soft-shoe routine at Arlington (because he doesn’t like to show actual coffins)? This is beyond “Dr. Strangelove” insanity.

It’s something deeper.

It’s something more psychotic.

Witness “Drool Cup” Dick talking with Republican apologist Bob Schieffer on “Face the Nation.”

Bob: “Does this administration have a credibility problem?”

Dick: “Well, I don’t think so, Bob.”

Later: Bob: “Do you feel you have become more isolated?”

Dick: “I don’t think so. I spend as much time as I can, get out and do other things – at home in Wyoming, or yesterday, I managed to go shopping with my daughters for a birthday present for my granddaughters.”

Remarkable country, izznit?

Hope the kids enjoyed their presents, Dick. Those Walter Reed Hospital snow globes are to die for.

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