Since quoting Marx makes a writer appear both more educated and more
serious, I figured I'd start this piece about Iran with a bit of
Marxism... from Duck Soup.
Ambassador Trentino: "I am willing to do anything to prevent this war."
President Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho): "It's too late. I've already paid a
month's rent on the battlefield."
Now I'm not trying to imply the reasons America goes to war are this
frivolous but...WMDs? Hussein connected to 9/11? Spreading democracy? Even
Harpo would be laughing out loud.
The U.S. has a long history of conjuring up dubious rationales to wage
war...and this goes for those on both sides of the proverbial aisle. During
the 2004 presidential campaign, for example, Senator John F. Kerry declared:
"The United States of America never goes to war because we want to; we only
go to war because we have to."
Can someone ask Harpo to quiet down?
"He started it" or "She hit me first." It's an excuse we all learn in
childhood. By portraying oneself as the target‹or potential target‹of an
unprovoked sneak attack; all bases are covered. As President Bush explained
on March 17, 2003, the night he gave Saddam Hussein a final ultimatum, "The
United States and other nations did nothing to deserve or invite this
threat, but we will do everything to defeat it."
More (Groucho) Marx: "Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"
Our history books and newspaper headlines portray an ever-benevolent U.S. as
minding its own business yet incessantly awakened by surprise events and
unprovoked threats that test its celebrated patience, e.g. the sinking of
the Maine, the attack on Pearl Harbor, and too many others to detail here.
Now we have Iran‹a nation with the audacity to make decisions without first
asking for U.S. permission. We are faced with the spectacle of America‹the
only nation to have used nuclear weapons on civilians‹warning the world
about how nuclear weapons might, well, be used on civilians. We can't allow
just anyone (except our allies) acquire such technology. We can't let the
Chinese arm men so evil they might, well, use nuclear weapons on civilians.
Before you know it, Iran will be using depleted uranium and white
phosphorous, abusing prisoners, setting up interrogation centers in Eastern
Europe, spying on its own people, and fixing elections at home and abroad.
As (Groucho) Marx explained: "Military intelligence is a contradiction in
terms."
Mickey Z. can be found on the Web at http://www.mickeyz.net.
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