Strap on your seat belts and nuke some popcorn because
we got ourselves a Battle Royale between the two
gnarliest branches of government that a tree has ever
seen. In the left hand corner, back from wandering in
the wilderness, the Democrats are just itching to
exercise their rediscovered clout. Over in the right
hand corner, after six years of unchallenged rule, the
Executive branch is not taking kindly to having to
answer to mere mortals. Its Countdown to a Crisis! The
stoppable force versus the movable object.
Watch Executive Privilege do battle with the People’s
Right to Know! Thrill as Attorney General Alberto
Gonzales takes on Senator Charles Schumer in a steel
cage match. Both in loincloths. Tremble as March
Madness calls for a time out from the hardwood floors
and takes a spin on polished marble aisles. C-SPAN
meets the WWE in a contest of Constitutional Chicken.
Who wins? The American people, that’s who. And the
lawyers, of course.
This holy mess stems from Congress’ determination to
talk to Harriet
Miers and Karl Rove to ascertain possible political
motivation in the firings of 8 US Attorneys. President
Bush, however, is being steadfast, which is a nice way
of saying stubborn as a Texas mule. He maintains that
if his staff is compelled to testify, they might
become reluctant to give him advice. Reviewing the
advice they’ve been giving him lately, maybe that's
not such a bad thing. Maybe he should be reluctant to
accept it.
Reprising his award winning East Wing talent show
impression of Howie Mandel, the President issued
Congress an ultimatum: you want talk, okay, they’ll
talk; but only off the record in private under a cone
of silence or not at all. Deal or no deal. The
Democrats took about 9 nanoseconds before hitting the
“no deal” button. Responding to their vow to uncover
the wolf in the Administration, the President says if
subpoenas are issued he’ll huff and he’ll puff and
he’ll blow their house down.
The Justice Department did as the Justice Department
does, exacerbating the situation by doling out more
explanations than Will Ferrell has facial tics.
Initially, the lay offs were performance related. Then
the federal prosecutors were let go due to
incompetence. Theirs, not the DOJ. Other excuses
started leaking out like Monterey Jack from an
overstuffed quesadilla: low departmental morale.
Insubordination. Pockets full of fish hooks. Double
knit pants. Substandard dinner table manners. Grey
shoes. Cooties.
Why would anybody think the President’s men would
mislead us? Oh yeah, that’s right; Enron. Middle class
tax cuts. Social Security. Stem cells. Prescription
Drug Plan. WMDs. Valerie Plame. And what was Scooter
Libby convicted of? Why, it was perjury wasn’t it?
Speaking of which, Karl Rove has called this brouhaha
a partisan witch hunt and claims its a case of “pure
politics.” Which, coming from the Hall of Fame
grandmaster of partisan witch hunts, the Democrats
should consider a compliment.
I think the President is on the wrong track here
public relations wise, with the whole behind- closed-
doors, untranscripted non deposition thing. This is
America, George. We’re not secret testimony people.
We’re out- in- the- open people. We’re air- it- in-
the- public- forum people. You should throw it up on
Youtube. Besides, whenever our rights are being
stripped from us to keep us free, aren’t you the one
who’s always saying that the innocent have nothing to
hide? Hmmm?
Comic, writer, actor, former radio talk show host and
stationary store stock boy in Hollywood, Will Durst,
can’t wait for the director’s cut.
Don’t forget to catch Durst in stand- up mode at the
Mason City Limits Comedy Club on March 23rd & 24th and
at the Wisconsin ACLU Dinner in Milwaukee on Saturday
March 31st.
And/ or listen to his twice weekly commentaries
@audible.com/willdurst.
Writings 
Subscribe to this comment's feed
