“It’s real white out here. I can’t see the road, but it looks like I’m
a little south of Manitoba, and up to my rear rotor in snow. I’m also
running out of fuel. Back to you, Harry.”
“For a ground-level view, we go LIVE to Susie Sweetwater.”
“I’m standing in the middle of a large parking lot. It seems to go on
forever. The drivers have kept their motors running, but for some
reason they aren’t moving onto the interstates.”
“Susie, I believe you’re standing in the middle of I-80. Have you seen any snow plows yet?”
“No, but that white stuff is all around me. As you can see, only my
Gucci snow hat is visible at the moment. If my dumb cameraman hadn’t
broken his leg trying to get 100 pounds of equipment out of the
all-weather WFAD News VW bug, we’d have even better pictures of
nothing.”
“Thanks Susie. Now to Bob Covina, LIVE at PennDOT headquarters. Bob, we
understand there are thousands of cars on the interstates, and PennDOT
crews are nowhere to be seen.”
“That’s right, Polly. It’s a matter of safety. It’s dangerous for the
workers to be out in this kind of weather, especially when there’s all
those cars, buses, and trucks they’d have to dodge on the interstates.”
“Do you have any idea when PennDOT might begin to clear the roads?”
“It’s past 6 p.m. now, so I guess when Management comes to work around 8 or 9 tomorrow we’ll have a better idea.”
“Thanks, Bob. We have a special satellite link to the command center of
the county’s Emergency Management Agency, deep within the reinforced
bunker of Mount Melmac. Ethel, you’ve been EMA director 20 years,
what’s your county doing to provide emergency assistance?”
“Nothing yet, Polly. We weren’t told to do anything, so we haven’t done
anything. But, we’re all here in the command center just waiting to
answer telephones if anyone calls.”
“Thanks, Ethel, keep us posted on the fine work you’ve been doing. Now,
LIVE on Second Street is Kiki Vertigo who’s been interviewing residents
about their response to the snow.”
“With me right now, EXCLUSIVELY on Second Street, is resident Homer
Bigeloo who has a snow shovel. Homer, what are you doing?”
“I’m shoveling snow.”
“Have you been shoveling long?”
“I don’t like snow.”
“How long haven’t you liked snow?”
“A long time.”
“Thanks, Homer. I’m Kiki Vertigo, LIVE on Second Street. Back to you, Polly.”
“Another great interview, Kiki. Right after this message from Mendocino
Frozen TV Dinners, we’ll be back with an abbreviated ‘World in 60
Seconds’ edition, and special 15-second reports about the nuclear war
in the Middle East and the break-through discovery of a cure for
cancer.”
Walter Brasch, a national award-winning journalist and professor of
journalism at Bloomsburg University, says cabin fever and watching TV
newscasts can warp a person’s mind. His latest books are 'Unacceptable': The Federal Response to Hurricane Katrina and America's Unpatriotic Acts.
Writings 
Subscribe to this comment's feed
